Drizzle

October 1, 2018

A dreary day can seep into one’s soul. Today was such a day, and I could feel the low-hanging clouds and drizzly rain like a meteorological vacuum, sucking the joy from me. The weather is not the only one to blame. The burden of pastoral responsibility weighs heavily on me this week. There is much to be done, with each task pressing in on the others like rugby players in a scrum. And then there are personal choices regarding prayer, meditation, the reading of Scripture, the singing of Psalms. All these (and others) are tools given by God, weapons we can wield in this fight against the Enemy who preys upon unsuspecting souls.

I know from experience that the best antidote to this wearisome heaviness lies in the giving of thanks, but I know too, that doing so requires me to deliberately make choices to reject fleeting feelings in favor of the unchanging Word of God, never an easy task.

There is one other tool in our arsenal against depression and discouragement: other people. For me, I’ve discovered that most of the time I feel down, I’m focusing on myself—my feelings, my situation, my problems. Maybe it’s a malady somewhat peculiar to introverts, but whenever I am feeling this way, the worst thing I can do is to isolate myself from others and stare at the mirror of my soul. But when I decide to turn my focus outward to others’ needs, everything changes.

I suspect that when Jacob wrestled with the Angel and Jesus’ sweat his way through the night in Gethsemane, that a significant portion of the time was spent in corralling  those lying feelings and bringing them captive to the will of God. The Bible never claims that prayer is nothing more than a casual stroll in the garden where everything is peaceful and beautifully arranged. At times, it is all-out war against the soul for mastery of the self, and it can get dirty, bloody, and ugly. 

But it is a battle worth fighting. The decision to give thanks in spite of what one is feeling is a spiritual victory that may not make you feel immediately better, but that decision is the beginning of a daring and dangerous rescue mission that will keep you from being overwhelmed and defeated. I am thankful tonight that I had a responsibility to minister to a grieving family this evening. They said I helped them. I know they helped me.