Affirmation is a wonderful gift. I don't need lots of it; most of the time I think I have a pretty good sense of how well I do with things, and if I receive what I consider undeserved praise, instead of building my confidence, I get embarrassed. Generally speaking, I know when I've done well, and when my work just doesn't make the mark. Occasionally however, it feels good, even if I think my efforts are overrated.
This morning at our local writers' club, I read the first page of an Advent story I wrote for Linda a couple years ago. The opening lines read,
""Widow" is an ugly word. It exudes sadness, deprivation, loneliness, and pain. An unwelcome intruder, it brutally forces entry to the heart, settling in before the hearth as if it belonged, until its silent presence chills the very flame, sending shivers through the soul."
Those gathered around the table were quite complimentary about it, citing my description of the emptiness of a new widow's heart. I had already felt pretty good about what I had written, but I have to admit, this confirmation from other writers felt pretty good.
This afternoon, one of the leaders of our jazz band complimented me on my bass playing. The drummer and I were especially tight, he said, and my bass line was steady, filling out the band. In reality, I know how deficient my bass playing is; a walking bass line is often the foundation of big band jazz numbers, and my walking bass often limps and lurches along like it has a broken leg. Even so, I appreciated the compliment from this young man who is more musically knowledgeable and proficient than I'll ever be.
Even without the compliments, I have enjoyed playing my bassoon and bass, and I love the challenge of making words do my bidding. They often resist my efforts, but if I don't give up, eventually they yield. The end result is very satisfying. The same can be said of making music. Right now I'm at the place where I'm still struggling just to get the notes right; I'm far from actually making music. But when my feeble efforts are blended into the work of those who could genuinely be called musicians, the end result is a beautiful thing. Today was an unusually affirming day, for which this evening I am contentedly grateful.
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