A Good Time to Die

 October 14, 2020

“Autumn is a good time to die.” The thought came unbidden to my mind as we drove home from visiting my mother. No longer able to walk or even sit unassisted, she spends most of the day just lying in bed, sleeping. Even when awake, she lies there. She’s prayed for months for God to take her home, but so far...

Yesterday I was looking for a series of photos on my phone to show her. They were pictures taken last year, but I couldn’t remember exactly when, so I scrolled...and scrolled...until I was startled by one particular picture I wasn’t expecting to see. It was my friend Joel, who died last October after a six month battle with pancreatic cancer. He was such a good friend; scholarly, with a childlike enthusiasm for life and the Gospel that put me to shame. His ADD could be exasperating at times, but we had a mutual bond in our love for Cuba that gripped my heart. It was however, deeper than that. We were able to talk about matters I’ve shared with no one else except my wife. We understood each other, and suddenly, he was gone. His wife lives with that Joel-emptiness that only washes over me at times like this when I’m staring my mother’s mortality in the face, and see his photo. I pray for her, and for others living in that same person-hollow reality. Linda and Judy, my sister-in-law, were talking with mom as they cared for her yesterday, and mentioned that in the TV series “Touched By an Angel,” the Death Angel who escorted people to heaven was a handsome young man. Mom’s response? “I’d rather it be dad.” She said sometimes in the night, she can feel his back against hers in her sleep.

Emotions and I are not often on speaking terms, so the ennui I feel tonight is unsettling. One of my wife’s best friends is battling cancer, and another will soon be moving south to be nearer family. And mom... 

Those who imagine Christian life is an unbroken upward journey of joy and happiness have apparently never read the Psalms. They often wail with tears in the night, plea for deliverance from enemies, and long for a better life. Anguish and pain are not foreign to the writers. Even Jesus warned us that “in this life you shall have troubles,” but added, “Don’t be alarmed; I have overcome the world.” It is that promise which carries us through difficulties, of which mine are minuscule compared to most. Tonight, I am thankful for the grey skies. Without them, I would not appreciate the blue, and I know that autumn will turn to winter, which in turn gives birth to spring, and new life. It is indeed, a good time to die.