Worship this morning did what true worship always does: it aligned my thinking and heart with the greatness of God. From the music to the preaching, everything about the service funneled all my turbulent and scattered thoughts, feelings, and prayers into the wideness of God's mercy found in the narrow way of the Cross. The storm I've been navigating has been largely of my own making as I've watched helplessly while my granddaughter lies in a hospital bed, seemingly no closer to finding out what's wrong than we were a week ago. I say 'my own making' because her situation is what it is; it's my mental spin on it that is causing me trouble. Scripture commands me to bring every thought captive to Christ; I've let those thoughts run wild instead of rounding them up and ushering them into the corral of faith. Al's condition doesn't appear to be life-threatening, and is certainly at this point not on a par with what I've seen countless people endure, but I've not been ready until last night to fully release her into God's hands. Last night, I finally did so, and today I was able to actually join in worship in spirit as well as in body.
Pastor Joe was speaking today about sins...OUR sins. Christians are often susceptible to enumerating the sins of others while ignoring those of which we are guilty. St. Paul deals with this attitude quite effectively when he lists things like lust, adultery, theft and murder right alongside greed, pride, a critical spirit, and unbelief. What we call sins of the flesh are no more heinous in the sight of God than those we tend to excuse. Sin has an exceedingly fine edge, and whether great or small, severs the connection between God and ourselves. For me, I've had to confess the sins of unbelief and fear. Confession is good for the soul, and once I acknowledged the truth of what I was doing and repented of it, the way was clear for God to again reveal himself to me. I wish I had the confidence others have that God will do exactly as I ask, but I can't say that. I still pray for Alex without any sense of assurance about what God will do, but with a willingness to listen and trust, no matter what.
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