The past week has admittedly been quite a struggle for me as like Jacob, I've been wrestling with God. Our granddaughter has been quite ill, apparently with something she picked up while on her mission trip to Uganda. I've been praying for her, but admittedly without much confidence. I admire those who can simply take Scriptures and apply them to their circumstances with certainty, but most of the time I am not one of them. I can recite Scripture after Scripture that speaks of God's care for us, his good will towards us, his promised blessings, healings, etc., but I am also acutely aware that God's ways are not the same as mine, and that God's people are not assured of smooth sailing. His faithful ones have been persecuted and even martyred by the tens of thousands. Jesus even promised that if he suffered, his followers must also, for the servant is not greater than the master. All this means that while I pray for her healing, I by no means have assurance that it will be, which is very unsettling for me.
Yesterday an old friend sent me the lyrics to a song entitled "Sometimes He Calms the Storm; Sometimes He Calms the Child." This afternoon, I looked it up on YouTube, played it through, then clicked on a couple other songs dealing with the same theme. "Praise You in the Storm," and "Sometimes it Takes a Storm" were both particularly helpful, but what really helped me turn a corner was a simple Scripture. It isn't a promise of blessing, but is instead a statement of fact. Speaking of Abraham, St. Paul said that "he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God" (Romans 4:20). This Scripture made me think, and it occurred to me that as long as I focused on the problem and on my fears, my heart is grounded in unbelief and worry. It is when I give God glory no matter what that my faith begins to kick in and grow. In my wrestling, this Scripture helped me turn a corner. It took me a bit longer, but like Jacob, I began to overcome.
The issue really is one of trust. Can I trust God to be good even if my prayers are not answered the way I would like? Do I believe in his sovereignty, his mercy, his goodness and grace, irrespective of whether life lifts me up or beats me down? It is counterintuitive, but absolutely critical to keep my eyes and heart on Jesus Christ. There is just too much evil, too much negativity in this world, and it will surely bring me down if I dwell on it. Some may think I'm sticking my head in the sand (or somewhere else that I won't mention here), but what I'm really doing is sticking my heart to the Cross where God's love was nailed down for all eternity. I know he loves Alex even more than I do, and that whatever comes will have his gracious fingerprints all over it. I still don't know what the outcome of my prayers will be. But I am grateful tonight for God's faithfulness in holding on to me this past week when I was riding out the storm much like the disciples as they cried out, "Don't you care that we perish?" As it turned out, they didn't, and neither Al nor I will, either. The day will come for both of us when God's summons comes and we must answer. Till then, it is our task and our blessing to make ready for that call, and know that when it comes, it will be good.
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