Friends

September 17, 2019

“You don’t need to be his friend. He has lots of friends; he has only one father. Be his father.” I couldn’t tell you how often I said that to a young father who was trying to mollify an out-of-control son. It didn’t matter whether it was it was a father or a mother; it never turned out well when parents were more concerned with their children liking them than obeying and respecting them. Linda and I often told young parents, “If it won’t be cute at fifteen, it’s not cute at five.” 

We were asked numerous times to teach a class on raising teenagers, but always refused. When our kids were still at home, we figured we weren’t out of the woods yet, and wanted to wait till we had solid evidence that what we were doing actually worked. We also knew that there is not much sense in teaching such a class; if parents haven’t been doing the right things when their children are pre- and elementary school age, by the time they’re teenagers, it’s too late. People often told us we were lucky to have good kids. We always countered, “Luck has nothing to do with it. It’s a lot of hard work and a lot of grace.” Our kids weren’t perfect by any means. Both we and they made our share of mistakes. We were fortunate however, in that they didn’t have to live in the proverbial pastoral family fish bowl. 

A couple days ago, son Matt called. “Can I borrow your truck on Tuesday?” 

“No problem. What for?”

“I’m buying a motorcycle. It’s in Rochester.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” 

“I might need help getting it loaded.”

Yesterday, he told me he had borrowed a trailer which would make it easier to load. Though he technically didn’t need me, I tagged along anyway. Rochester is a couple hours away, and I had the opportunity to spend it with my son. Up and back, we talked about his work, about motorcycles, cars, guns, politics, family, and a host of other things. Not being his friend when he was growing up made it easy to be friends now. Topping it all off, he got a killer deal on a great bike. Plenty for which to be thankful tonight!