Long Haul Love

March 29, 2019

She quietly came up behind him, leaned in close putting her arms around his neck, and kissed the top of his head. It was a small gesture, but spoke eloquently of the love they have shared for more than fifty years, and prompted a conversation about long-term love. It’s a pretty rare commodity these days; attend a graduation at a small high school and you’ll read in the program that less than half of the kids graduating come from intact homes with both birth parents present. It’s sad not only for the kids, but for the adults whose lives have been turned upside down by whatever problems they decided they couldn’t overcome. 

She told me that she was twenty-four and he thirty-three when they married; prior conversations with them revealed the obvious: like everyone else, they had problems to face, obstacles to overcome, but they did so, and in doing it discovered something deeper than mutual attraction. Each of them became better persons for being married to each other. Linda and I have often talked about our marriage; if one of us were to die, would the other remarry? There was a time when that might have happened, but at this stage in our lives we don’t have enough time to make as many memories as we have together. Where would we find someone who fits us the way we fit each other? It amazes us how things that once would have been issues aren’t even bumps in the road any more. We don’t have anything to prove to each other, and neither of us see the value in controlling the other. Power struggles are a thing of the past. 

There is a reason old couples tend to connect with other old couples. We know the ropes—which ones bind people together, which ones trip you up, and which ones you can hang yourself from. People who have been married nearly their entire lives have a lot in common; they’ve learned patience, forgiveness, gratitude. They know how to laugh and when to cry. Life is a bit easier when you have someone to carry half the load while doubling the joy. Tonight I’m thankful for Clark and Marilyn, for the conversation we had this morning, and the reminder to reflect upon and be thankful for my own marriage. It’s a good life we’ve had, and a good life we expect to have, no matter what comes.