Fathers

June 17, 2018

One night while lying in bed, Linda asked me what I was feeling. Those kinds of questions can be a bit unnerving. Maybe I need therapy because most of the time I don’t know what I’m feeling. On this particular night, I told her that it was like all these emotions were spinning in a circle over my head so fast that I couldn’t grab one to actually look at it and figure out what it was. Tonight is another one of those nights, not because the feelings are so elusive, but because there are so many of them.

The day started out beautifully with a nice letter that Linda wrote me. Better than a card!

Then came mixed feelings; I had to miss the baptisms in our creek and worship in the park, which sadden me, but I once more had the blessing of leading worship in Dunkirk.

A family cookout that included all three of our kids, their spouses, and all our grandkids was made even better by the presence of our daughter-in-laws’ fathers with us. We celebrated the birthdays of our June babies, Jess, Nate, and Todd, and of our May baby Alex, who was away from home at her summer job on the actual day.

I called my mother this evening. Dad died on Father’s Day, 2012. It was the 17th of June that year. Linda told me on her mother’s birthday that she thinks of her every day. It doesn’t work that way for me, but today, I miss him. I am grateful that on that day six years ago, he was surrounded by family at the camp he loved. He knew the Lord, didn’t suffer or linger, so it’s hard to be sad except for our loss. Mom and I talked till it was time for her to go to bed, after which Linda and I watched a favorite Netflix series.

Father’s Day is what it is for me because of our Heavenly Father, whose love and grace has given me everything I value in life. It’s not just about my father, my being a father, or my sons’ fatherhood. It’s about the One from whom all that is good about fatherhood comes. So it’s been a good day, even with the variety of emotions that came with it.