The back of his head remains imprinted on my memory as he drove down the street and out of sight. Nathan was headed off to college, and it was that view of the back of his head that stays with me. I am not usually an emotional man, but I remember getting choked up as his car dropped out of sight. Linda and I stood arm in arm watching, then slowly turned and went back indoors to try to sort out what this new stage in life would be like. Letting go of your firstborn takes a bit of getting used to; we were getting a crash course in it, and I didn't like it one bit. We had raised him for this moment, but when it finally came, it was like a sucker punch to the gut.
Nate was only going a couple hours away; Alex will be halfway around the world in Uganda. Tonight the family gathered around after little Nathan and Mattie's piano recital to say our goodbyes. It wasn't much fun, but it did demonstrate the bond of love we share. The tears flowed freely as we told Al how proud we were of her. At least I think that's what Linda was saying; it was hard to understand through all the sobbing. I know it's what I said.
When our children are in our care, we imagine that we can protect them, but anyone whose child has fallen prey to some chronic or life-threatening disease knows how fragile our protection really is. Our rites of baptism remind us that our children are given to us by God, yet he maintains his claim upon them. In truth, we cannot protect our children any better when they are in our care than when they are halfway around the world. So we pray. And in our prayers, we thank God for the gift he has given us in our eldest granddaughter, and entrust that gift back into his merciful and gracious hands. It's not just the best thing we can do; it's the only thing. And as I hugged Alex and whispered my love in her ear, I couldn't help but slip back through the years and see the back of her father's head as he drove out of our home into the world God placed before him. A new generation and a new releasing of our lifeblood into the hands of God. It's never easy, but it is good, and I am at peace and thankful tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment