Subtle Pride

 December 21, 2022

Image is an odd creature. The story of Saul in 1 Samuel is a tale of a man who looked every bit the part of a confidant leader, but who was actually quite insecure and uncertain of his ability. When the people were about to crown him king, he had to be dragged out of hiding. Standing fully a head taller than any of his countrymen, he nevertheless was never sure of himself. When decisive action was called for, he was found dithering in the shadows. His son Jonathan took charge, leading his father to call for his death for insubordination. Saul couldn’t stand the thought of someone else taking the limelight. 

He covered his insecurity and indecisiveness with sudden rash decisions made without thought or planning. On the one hand, he was wispy-washy when firm decisiveness was needed, but impulsive when cool thought was needed (See 1 Samuel 14 & 15). 

The genocidal campaign against the Amalekites sounds harsh and brutal to our ears, something we would hardly countenance today. But as the story stands, Saul was directed to kill every Amalekite, man, woman, and child, and also their cattle and flocks. I don’t like the sound of that any more than anyone else, but as the story goes, Saul only carried out a part of the directive, saving the king and the best of the spoil “for the Lord.” One way of disguising disobedience and rebellion is to dress it up in religious garb. Saul did so, and when confronted, claimed he actually had been faithfully obedient.

Samuel’s reply was classic: “What then, is the bleating and mooing I hear?” Even then, when Samuel told him he had a word from the Lord for him, Saul smugly said, “Say on!” In other words, “I am innocent. Go ahead and say what you have to say.” Samuel pressed further, telling Saul that because he had rejected the Lord, the Lord had rejected him. Still trying to justify his actions, Saul blamed the people: “I feared the people and obeyed their voice.” And when that didn’t wash with Samuel, Saul pleaded, “Honor me before the people…” He was more concerned with image than obedience. 

Saul was a hollow man. He looked good on the outside, but inside there was nothing of substance; he bent whichever way the wind was blowing. How he looked was more important to him than how he acted. For all his valor on the battlefield, it was all a show, it was all for appearances. 

I wish I could say I have never been affected by the need to be admired, to be followed. I wish I could say that my motives and actions always were in sync, but I would be lying. I don’t like rejection and disdain. I want people to like me and think well of me. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that unless it becomes the raison d'être of my life. When what people think becomes more important than my integrity, I have turned my back on God. Pride doesn’t always parade around with an army of sycophants; it doesn’t always insist upon the limelight, but “i” is not only the middle letter of the word; it’s the heart of the sin. 

I remember as a young teenager attending Wednesday night prayer meetings at our church. Often, the goal of our teenage prayers was not to connect with God, but to see how many “amens” we could get from the adults. The prayer itself sounded good, but it was hollow and sinful. Pride was saying, “Look at me!” Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.