Vader and Me

 January 16, 2021

In one of the most famous movie lines ever, Darth Vader speaks to Luke as the latter is all but vanquished in a light saber battle between the two of them. “Luke...I am your father,” to which Luke cries out, “NOOOO!” Perhaps it wasn’t just the thought that his father was the villainous Vader, but something else instead. It’s one thing for my father to have said to me, “I am your father;” it’s quite another for me to utter the corollary: “My father is me.”

And yet, it’s true. Much of that is good. My father was a patient, faithful man, a man of his word, a man who ordered his priorities well. He loved my mother, and provided for his family. He believed in play only after the work was done, and there was always plenty of work to be done, except when it was time to go fishing. My brother and I always accompanied him and both our grandfathers on those excursions which lasted most of the day on summer Saturdays.

He had a keen sense of justice, coupled with grace and forgiveness. The night I forgot to lock the car and all his tools were stolen, he never said a word of rebuke. He just listened to my stammering. It would have been easier if he had hit me, but he didn’t. 

Dad wasn’t perfect, which is odd, because he was a perfectionist. When we went camping with friends, we were always the last to leave the campsite because he was taking so much time folding the tent just so, sweeping away every hint of debris while everyone waited. He was easy-going, perhaps a little too much. And he was conservative to a fault. He never did well with investments because he played it too safe. 

“I am your father” morphs smoothly into “I am my father.” I can be patient, am faithful, believe in family and hard work; I love my wife and have tried to be a good father to my children, and a good grandfather to theirs. But my patience and perfectionism can easily turn into a slow indecisiveness that drives my wife crazy. I have deliberately striven to be more of a risk-taker than my dad was. 

What I really want though, is for these words to be true of me in the spiritual realm. God says to me, “Jim...I am your Father!” Contrary to Luke’s reaction to hearing those words from Vader, I say, “YESSS,” while praying that in turn that my Father is me; that his character is replicated in my heart and life. If that happens, even as imperfectly as it will be, I can be thankful tonight.