Minor Marriage Misunderstandings

February 8, 2016

My wife recently sent me a Facebook post that said, "A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." I'm sitting here thinking about that in light of a minor irritation that we just went through together - one of those "grrr" moments. Years ago when we were still feeling our way through this thing called marriage, still jostling for position and trying to figure out what it means to love someone, moments like this would have lasted for hours, sometimes even days. Back then, we didn't know that we didn't always need to be right. We like most young couples, wondered what it meant when the other was angry; was the marriage on the rocks? Did her being upset with me mean she had given up on me? Even small bumps in the road can be catastrophic to a new driver, and we were pretty inexperienced.

I can't say when things changed. I do remember the morning thirty years ago when we had been angry with each other before heading to work. As I drove down the road, God spoke to me. I didn't hear voices, but the thought that suddenly popped into my head was certainly not my own. This is as near a quote as I can remember: "Jim, which is more important; you being right, or your relationship being right?" Now, no one gets into an argument believing that they are wrong. Of course, I was right! But at that moment, I was also wrong. I got to the office and was just reaching for the phone to call and apologize when it rang. It was Linda, beating me to the punch.
Nowadays, most of the things that used to cause us to rise up in anger just don't mean that much anymore. I don't know whether it's maturity or simply that we don't have the energy to fight, or that we are realizing as short our time together in this life is, we don't want to waste any of it on stuff just doesn't matter to us anymore. We never could tolerate much tension, so it was never really bad except for some of the dumb things I've done over the years.

So I'm sitting here writing, and in the process, letting go of all that unimportant stuff that would impede our loving each other. It really is better that way, and I am thankful for a wife who even when she doesn't see eye to eye with me, is willing to walk hand in hand with me. And it doesn't hurt that neither of us can remember for long whatever we might have been upset about. Growing older has its perks!