It's been an odd sort of day. Typical WNY winter weather, gloomy, overcast, cold, an on-and-off mixture of snow/drizzle in the air. Both Linda and I have been fighting the onset of colds with a combination of over the counter medicines and Jessie's DoTerra oils. So far, we've kept the beast at bay, with just a hint of congestion that saps our energy and our mood. We're not actually "down;" it's more like pensive. We've been busy; Linda began the day early having her friends Beth and Sue over for breakfast, doing the prep work for my annual batch of anise Christmas cookies and fixing dinner for Nate and Deb and the girls kept her pretty busy. So did Jess and little Gemma, who stopped over for a fun-filled visit. It's a never-ending circus when Gemma's around.
For me, the day was spent working on Sunday's sermon, which has actually been fun, and writing another couple pages for Linda's annual Advent story. This year, it's a murder mystery, quite a challenge for me as I try to keep the characters and the plot line straight while offering a few red herrings to keep her guessing. At least this is one story where she can't read the last page first. At this point, even I don't know how it's going to end! I ran into town to pick up a gift for a friend, then back home to sit by the fire and write. I'm chalking up my moodiness to my body fighting off this cold.
There is quite a bright spot in all this. There was a time when days like today were the norm for me. Now, it's just a slight blip on an otherwise sunny (for me) disposition. As I reflect on it, I think there are a couple reasons. First is my daily discipline of giving thanks. I'm giving more attention to the good than the bad in my life. I'm even getting to the point where I bypass all the negative Facebook posts. Why give attention to all the negative stuff I can't change and don't need in my head or heart? The second reason for the change in my disposition is theological: I'm getting better at grasping the enormity of God's grace in the Gospel.
For years, I've been an academic Augustinian and a pragmatic Pelagian. A very stripped-down summary is that Augustine articulated Paul's doctrine of grace being solely the work of God, while Pelagius spoke of the role we play in our salvation. How it worked out in my thinking is that I always knew that I fell short and couldn't do anything to earn my salvation. That's Augustine. But instead of relying on the continuing grace of God, I kept trying harder to do what's right and feeling guilty when I failed. That's the Pelagian part. It's a delicate balancing act. I don't want to allow myself to get to the point where what I do doesn't matter, but I'm learning in a pragmatic way to simply keep confessing my failures and sins, and trusting in Christ's redemption to atone for them. I'm doing better at rejecting the accusatory condemnation of Satan (called in Scripture "the accuser of the brethren"), and hearing the comforting word of Christ whispering "Forgiven" in my ear.
So, although it's been a pensive day, it's not melancholic, and tomorrow is bright with possibility and grace. Not much more I could ask for.
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