I've been thinking about a Scripture text I read yesterday. It's from St. Paul's letter to the Philippians (3:8) where he says, "I count all things as loss that I might know Christ..." We Christians sing about knowing Christ more; we sing and pray to have the eyes of our hearts open to him, but after years of pondering this mystery of what it means to encounter God and know Christ, I wonder if we really mean it.
I'm not a touchy-feely person (Surprise!). So when people say that they really felt the Presence of the Lord in a particular worship service or in a specific song, I wonder what they mean by that. Is it the Lord when we feel all goose-bumply and something else when we are afraid? How does one evaluate whether God has been present in a particular experience? For that matter, what was it that moved the Biblical writers to attribute particular experiences and events to their God, and others to lesser gods, demons, or even Satan? How did they identify specific happenings, attributing them to the handiwork of God?
I suspect hindsight plays a big part in it. As we ministered in prison last week, we listened to the testimonies of inmates who somewhere along the way met Christ. More than one testified that being incarcerated turned out for them to be the work of God intervening in lives that were self-centered and destructive. They didn't see it at the time, but came to understand that God was working through an experience that wasn't particularly pleasant or even spiritual. Nonetheless, it was the work of God, moving them towards an encounter with Christ that has changed their lives.
So when St. Paul speaks of knowing Christ, I have to dig deep to begin to understand what that meant for him, and even deeper to discern what it means for me. But it is his insight concerning the process of knowing Christ that grabs my attention and makes me wonder just how much I really know him. Remember? When he says, "I have suffered the loss of all things," I look around me and have to ask, "How much have I suffered? What have I lost (or given up) for the sake of knowing Christ? Is Paul's experience merely informational, or is it normative?" I am beginning to suspect that it is intended to be normative, which means that the shallowness of my knowledge may be due to my not ever having really given up much of anything in order to know Christ. I am surrounded by stuff; the closest thing to sacrifice I've ever experienced has been our sacrificial giving campaign when we were building the new church, and losing a few friends along the way.
I've not suffered much in my life. I cannot say with St. Paul, "I have...lost all things." And I hesitate to mouth his words about knowing Christ. I've attempted to follow him, and have had a few times in my life when I can say I've felt what I considered to be his Presence, but it's my desire to do more than just sing about wanting to know him more. The question is, "Am I willing to engage in the necessary sacrifice?" I have no martyr complex, and no desire to be stripped of all earthly goods and comforts, but I would hate after a lifetime of ministry to stand before him only to hear him say, "...I never knew you." Tonight, I am pensive, but also thankful for the Scripture that challenges me, and the Holy Spirit who refuses to let me off the hook. I don't know what this all means or where it will lead me, but once God reveals his Word to you in such a clear way, there is no backing off, no escape. Pray for me, and let me know how God speaks to you in unmistakeable ways. And don't forget to give thanks always!
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