What About Him?

March 30, 2020

‘Who is the greatest?” It seems a bit crass for the disciples to have been arguing over such juvenile matters as late as the last hours of Jesus’ life on earth, but all four gospels tell the same story in various ways. Crass it may have been, but comparing ourselves to others is one of the hardest spiritual weeds to pull from the garden of our souls. We may not say it in so many words, but we all do it.

In the very last chapter of John’s gospel, the issue crops up once more. Jesus is having a heart-to-heart with Peter, restoring and reassuring him following the latter’s craven denial of even having known Jesus in the hours before the latter’s crucifixion. Jesus hints at Peter’s own martyrdom in later years, telling him, 

“When you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!””

—John 21:18-19 NIV

Even at this late hour, Peter can’t resist playing the comparison game. He notices “the disciple Jesus loved,” John standing nearby, and asked, “Lord, what about him?” It had apparently become somewhat obvious that Jesus had his favorites. Peter, James, and John were in the inner circle, but John somehow occupied a special place in Jesus’ heart. Perhaps it was because he was the youngest of the disciples (according to tradition), but whatever the reason, John was aware of this special honor, and so was Peter. Jesus’ answer to Peter’s question is the same answer he gives us: “What I choose to do with him is no concern of yours. You follow me.” 

We don’t like to admit it, but many of us wrestle with this same issue. We look at others’ success and wonder why things turned out for them and not for ourselves. I’ve been a professing Christian for most of my life; I’ve been a pastor for most of my life, and this question still occasionally haunts me. I wonder what more I might have accomplished had I been more faithful, what might have turned out better had I made different choices at various times. I recently read a newsletter from a pastor who has spearheaded a significant ministry in Cuba, doing quite successfully where we’ve struggled to find our way. I found myself asking, “What about him?” Or more truthfully, “Why not me?”

I’m not proud of my reaction. Frankly, it’s somewhat embarrassing to admit it, but in the game of life, more of of us are bench warmers than star players, and instead of being grateful to merely being on the team, we often envy the hall of famers. 

Comparisons are not only unproductive; they are deadly sinful, for they shift our focus from loving and serving God to whining about our status. However subtle the question, “What about him?” strangles our gratitude and stifles our service. These last words of John’s gospel are convicting. They reveal a side of me I don’t like and would rather not see. They show me how far I yet need to go. 

John Wesley’s Covenant prayer has a phrase in it that I am (often reluctantly) praying this Lent—“Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee, Exalted for thee or brought low for thee.” It’s that part about “laid aside” that smarts. Placing ourselves completely at Christ’s disposal is a discomforting thing. I like to be in control, to have my hands on the steering wheel. And to tell the truth, I want to be the one taking the checkered flag at the end of my race. Sitting out the last laps in pit row is not my idea of fun. Nevertheless, I am having a go at this prayer, and reluctantly thankful for today’s Scripture that convicts and challenges me. I wish the light it has shined into my heart would also illuminate the path ahead of me, but that’s for another day, another Scripture, another prayer.