Friday, January 16, 2015

What I Do; Who I Am

January 16, 2014

The conversation this morning didn't start out too well, probably because I wasn't conversing adequately. Linda's love language is words, but she was quiet, too, so I tried making small talk, which has never been my forte; yeah, it didn't work. I decided my best bet would be a strategic retreat, so I and my cup of coffee headed for the Millstone Room. Linda went upstairs to play her piano and think, and after awhile came down to talk. Take note: being the better person, she took the first steps towards working things out. She's a keeper!

One of the differences between us is she is an activist; I am a contemplative. It doesn't bother me at all to sit and read. Linda can do that for awhile, but it isn't long before she needs something to do. Something significant, it turns out. She's been plenty busy, baking, cooking, cleaning, rearranging the furniture, but being busy with stuff like that can only take one so far.

I'm still trying to figure out what shape retirement will take. I'm preaching for a friend this Sunday, am taking an online seminary course in supervision and getting ready for next semester's community jazz band, and have enough projects lined up to keep me busy for quite awhile. But there is still this business of work that has meaning. Even after three years of retirement, Linda's still trying to figure it out. I wonder how long it will take me.

If our identity consists primarily in what we do or accomplish, what happens when we are no longer able to do much of anything? Our work is important, and significant work even more so, but the Bible teaches us that we are saved by grace, not works. Somewhere in the balance of things, we must understand that our value is given by God, not by what we can do. It is that intrinsic value that is the foundation for significant work, enabling us to work because we ourselves have meaning, value, and purpose, rather than working to find meaning. Work done to attain value always falls short because work is incapable of giving meaning. It's the other way around: we are the ones who give meaning to work, but we can only do so if we know we ourselves are valued by God simply because he loves us.

It's always a learning process. It's always dangerous to assume, but I understand what Linda is feeling. I have lots of projects lined up, but it's not the same as when my life was filled with people. I am no longer responsible for the direction and leadership of Park church. That was my life for 33 years, and now I'm given the interesting task of sorting through how much of who I am is wrapped up in the word "pastor," and how much is contained in the word "Christian." It's not always an easy distinction to make, but I'm working on it, and am grateful that in the long run, my identity is in Christ who cannot be taken away instead of in a role that lasts only for a short while.

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