Humbled and Grateful

January 27, 2015

Even now, eleven years after the event, I find my pulse quickening, my heart pounding, just thinking about it. If what I endured can do this to me, I cannot imagine the horrors of PTSD. My reflections have given me a new appreciation for what so many of our military personnel endure on a daily basis.

For the seminary class I've been taking on supervision, the major assignment is to write about an event or situation that has had a significant impact on my ministry. As much as I tried to think of something else, this really was a no-brainer. Eleven years ago, Park church exploded with volcanic fury. Like a dormant volcano, there were pressures of which I was unaware building beneath the calm surface of church life, and when one individual's personal issues found their way through the fissures that are a part of any organization, they quickly erupted and almost destroyed a congregation that had endured in the community for nearly 200 years. There was no doubt, fault on all sides, but I can say with complete truthfulness that on my part, I did my best to treat people with grace. My failures were due to inexperience in this kind of conflict management, and a naïveté that nearly buried us all.

There were multiple issues, the details of which are unimportant to tonight's reflections, but which became the flashpoints around which individuals allowed their emotions and personal issues to bleed over into the church body as a whole, which resulted in an infectious spread of gossip, malice, and discord. As I said, the mere act of jotting down notes for the paper I must present makes me almost physically tremble. So tonight, I am grateful for God's grace that carried me through this most difficult time on the wings of the prayers and love of my family and friends. I believe I am a stronger, hopefully a more humble and better man than before. I know I am more grateful for God's mercy and grace without which I could not possibly face each day. And I am grateful that God willing, being retired, I won't have to go through anything like that again. Once is enough. Lastly, tonight my prayers will include our military men and women who bear on their souls the marks of their service and sacrifice. May God in his mercy grant them peace.