Love Language

April 20, 2018

The simplest concepts often make the greatest impact. Some years ago, I came across a little book entitled, “The Five Languages of Love.” The author stated the obvious, that even though someone may be multi-lingual, he or she will always communicate best in their native tongue. He then proceeded to speak of ‘love languages,’ different ways we express and receive love. Each of us has a primary way we experience love, and one of the reasons marriages fail is that the husband is speaking one language, and the wife another. They may be sincerely trying to communicate, but the message is not being received because the other speaks a different language. It would be like a Spanish-speaking person trying to communicate with someone who speaks only English. They might get it right once in awhile, but communicating deeply will be very difficult. The five different love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Deeds of Kindness, Gifts, Touch, and Time. 

I know I am loved and appreciated when Linda merely spends time with me. Her love language is Words of Affirmation. What difficulties we’ve had in our marriage have often been because we are speaking different languages. If she spends time with me, I’ll feel loved even if she doesn’t talk. But if I’m not talking with her, her love tanks will be empty. The problem is, I speak my language most readily, and have often had to be reminded that although I’m feeling good because we’ve spent time together, I need to remember to speak her language. 

Recently, I taught about this, and was amazed at how deep a chord it struck with those in the seminar. Suddenly, they were animated as they talked with one another, and I simply stood and listened. Not every life-changing truth is strictly Biblical, and I am grateful tonight for truth from every field of human endeavor. All truth is God’s truth, and it sets people free. The false “truths” of this world only serve to entrap people in emotional, psychological, social, and spiritual bondage. 

I’ve learned to speak Linda’s language quite fluently, although I’ll never be as comfortable with it as with my own language of time. Over the years, we’ve worked hard at learning each other’s language, with the payoff that both of us feel loved and appreciated. We occasionally still have to remind each other to speak our native tongue, but we take the reminder in stride, which has resulted in great strides in our marriage. I am grateful we both have learned to use this simple tool, and for the way it has reduced stress and produced harmony between two people who are very different, and very determined to grow in love.