Afraid to Die

January 31, 2017

It must have been quite a sight; the mountain blazed and shook thunderously with a roaring the people had never before heard, while smoke poured forth till the crest was enveloped in thick darkness. God had come down, and they were terrified. Who wouldn't be? Sane people don't usually want to climb an active volcano, even if God himself is there! Moses wouldn't be one of those sane people. He went up, picking his way through the lava, spanning the crevices that opened up, enduring the heat and toxic fumes till through it all he heard the voice of God.

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage." God was introducing himself to the people he had chosen. They had experienced his deliverance, but knew nothing of his character, his holiness. They were about to find out as one by one, he enumerates the law by which they were to live. This law was clear and simple, though by no means easy, and defined the divine character they were to emulate.

People have often complained about the supposed negativity of the Ten Commandments, but they miss the point. Only ten things are forbidden, which means everything else is permitted; an expansive life, indeed. There isn't an all-inclusive list of things one must do to remain in good standing with the Holy One; such a list would be unending. Instead, there are listed but ten things that can break the relationship he established when he delivered them from slavery. Six of those things have to do with our relationships with one another; four with our relationship to God himself. He gives us immense freedom, but places guard rails around those dangerous curves that can plunge us off the road, to certain destruction. History is littered with the human wreckage of those who ignored the guard rails to their own demise.

What tonight interests me in the text are the words immediately following Moses' reception of these Ten Commandments. In Exodus 20:18-21 we read, "Now all the people witnessed the thunderings, the lightning flashes, the sound of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they trembled and stood afar off. Then they said to Moses, "You speak with us, and we will hear; but let not God speak with us, lest we die."And Moses said to the people, "Do not fear; for God has come to test you, and that His fear may be before you, so that you may not sin." So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was.

Did you catch that? God came...so they might not sin. But they were afraid and kept their distance. They said they were afraid to die. Jesus said if we want to follow him, we must die to self, but we don't want to. We're afraid that if we die, there won't really be a resurrection, and life will be over. So we hold God at arm's length while we hold closely all the putrefying sins that are killing our souls instead of yielding them to Christ who wants to put an end to them. I suspect there is stuff in our lives we don't want to die; habits and sins we cherish. And so we cling to the life we know and lose the life we were meant to have.

The text says that the people stood "afar off." They kept the Almighty God at a distance, never experiencing as did Moses, the glory of his presence. I wonder if that's why they so easily slipped again and again into sin, ultimately forfeiting the prize of the Promised Land. When we keep a distance between God and ourselves, when we stand "afar off," our knowledge of him is at best second-hand hearsay, which is never adequate help in the time of trouble.

Tonight I am thankful for this Scripture, and pray that I will be willing to climb the fearsome mountain that quakes and spits fire. So that I might hear from God himself.

Be Careful What You Pray For

January 30, 2017

It is often easy for us Christians to become too comfortable in our ways. Those of us who are ready to dig into the Scriptures at the drop of a hat may be particularly susceptible to complacency. We all approach the Scriptures with a particular set of personal and cultural blinders that tend to guide us towards texts that support our opinions and away from those that challenge them. Those texts that seem to contradict our presuppositions and beliefs we study all the more, that we may find some way of minimizing its impact upon the bulwark of our personal faith. Those who believe in eternal security have trouble with texts that posit danger for those who fall away, while those who believe it's possible to lose one's salvation don't know what to do with texts that declare the elective purposes of God.

It's the same whether one is dealing with our cultural issues of sexuality, women's rights, or even inner healing and demonology. We're like W.C. Fields, whose relationship with alcohol was particularly friendly. When he was sick and apparently dying, a friend visited him only to find him reading the Bible. Somewhat surprised, he asked why. "I'm looking for loopholes," was Field's reply.

Years ago as a teenager, I attended the wake and funeral of my Sunday School teacher's husband, who died suddenly from a heart attack at a rather young age. Her son was one of my best friends, instrumental in my coming to faith in Christ. I'll never forget the morning she addressed our class some weeks after her husband's passing.

"Be careful what you pray for," was her admonition. "God will take you seriously. I had prayed constantly that if there was anything coming between me and Christ, that God would take it from me. I loved my husband dearly, even more than God. God took me up on my prayer. Be careful what you pray for."

We sat in stunned silence. I still do. I've related this story to people who confidently declare that God wouldn't do such a thing; that she was mistaken. "The devil is the one who does such things," they proclaim with certainty. I'm not convinced. If a patient has gangrene in a limb, the surgeon does something radically painful in order to save the patient's life. Amputation is never preferable, but there are times it is necessary. The first commandment states, "You shall have no other gods before me." My Sunday School teacher told us that she had put her husband before her God, and when she prayed, God did radical surgery.

Some who read this will instinctively recoil at this suggestion, but I'm not so sure she was wrong. She never wavered in her faith, trusting that the God who saved her loved her enough to do whatever necessary to draw her close. Too often, I have hedged my prayers, playing it safe, asking God to work his will in me, but in ways I approve. So I wonder, how radical is my love for, and commitment to, Jesus Christ? I am thankful tonight for this godly woman who years ago refused to let either herself or God off the hook in her pursuit of him.

Heart Transplant

January 29, 2017

Three times Ezekiel records the promise. "I will give them a new heart." in 36:26, he gives his most complete version: "A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh."

In late December, Linda had a dream. She was at her mother's house which was full of people. A young man in a white suit was there, along with two female companions. In spite of their beautiful clothes, she alone could see that inside, they were evil; none of the others in the house could see the shadowy hearts of these three, and despite her pleadings, were being led astray by them. Linda related that she wasn't sure if she woke up, or if it was part of the dream, but she heard a voice that said, "You tried to do it all on your own, when all you needed to do was to call out my name - Jesus." She continued, "When I did that, Jesus, dressed in shimmering white, came down through the air."

She took this dream as a divine prodding to be more prayerful, and began to reflect on the above text in Ezekiel, which in turn, led to her to change how she asks people what they want her to pray for. After telling people about God's promise of a heart transplant in Ezekiel, she asks, "What kind of a heart do you want God to give you?" The responses she has been getting have been amazing, and people are already relating how God is answering her prayers for them. I am married to an amazing woman who challenges me to keep growing. For her, I am thankful tonight. What kind of a heart do you want God to give you?

L'Haim

January 28, 2017

Sometimes (actually, quite often) I have to fight off a tendency to be judgmental and critical. God convicted me of this more than four years ago, leading me to be careful to share only positive posts on Facebook. Well, at least I think they are positive; perhaps others not so much. That being said, Dicken's introduction to A Tale of Two Cities comes to mind: "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times..." It is striking how at times two different people, two different experiences, two different events can be juxtaposed in such a way that despite their surface similarities, their foundational differences stand in stark contrast to each other.

In the past two weeks, we've seen the Women's March on Washington and the 44th Right-to Life March both take to the streets to proclaim their disparate messages to the nation. Both sides are passionate about their cause, and perhaps it's because I'm getting old and old school, but I have a hard time taking seriously anyone who struts around with a representation of a vagina on her head. If I heard the speeches correctly, there was great objection to the objectification of women's bodies, which is hard for me to correlate with the costumes being worn. The phrase "cognitive dissonance" comes to mind here.

The second march, by all appearances, was tame by comparison, and lacking the dubious star power of the first. Which to me, gives it a credibility all its own. Of course, the fact that the second march was all about protecting the lives of yet-to-be-born human beings, half of whom are females, doesn't hurt. And since I've committed to writing about positive things for which I am thankful, it is this second march, what it stands for, and those who are in the fight for life, for which I am thankful tonight.

Introverts Together

January 27, 2017

Introverts see life differently than extroverts. An extrovert makes friends easily, and lots of them. An introvert has friendships, but makes them more slowly. To be honest, all that is just conjecture. I can't speak for other introverts, and heaven knows I can't be the voice of an extrovert. Generalizations are rarely 100% accurate, so I'll just speak for myself.

If I am in a group and am quiet, it's not because I don't like the people around me (although that has happened on occasion); it just takes me awhile to warm up to people. I don't assume others are interested in my opinion, so I don't offer it. Sometimes I'm not interested in my opinion. I envy those who can talk glibly about anything and nothing at all, because I find myself searching for something...anything to say. One of my mantras is: "There is a great difference between having to say something and having something to say." Large crowds make me nervous. In addition to my introvertive nature, I have difficulty hearing conversation in a crowd. I hear the sound of people's voices, but often cannot make out the words themselves, even of people standing right next to me. So if I ignore you, I'm not trying to be rude; I just don't hear and can't understand you. I like small groups in quiet, intimate settings.

As a bona fide introvert, I like being by myself. I'm not always comfortable in my own skin, but since it's the only one I have, I've learned to be content with it. As a bona fide introvert, the only real issue I have with it is that I am married to an extrovert. It's God's idea of a good joke. I wouldn't be surprised if he is laughing right now, pointing his finger, shaking in mirth as tears run down his cheeks, quite pleased with his little trick of putting Linda and me together. To prove that Linda and I can take a joke, we have remained happily married for more than 46 years. In that time, I've learned a thing or two from her. Linda is passionate about investing herself in other people, has been all her life. Often when I would have been content to retreat into my shell, Linda would drag me along, pushing and encouraging me to interact with people.

The older I get, the more I have come to appreciate her wisdom. I know I have fewer years before me than behind me, and I don't want to waste them on things that don't matter. So guess what matters? People matter. This morning started with our Friday writer's group. Last night's snow meant our numbers were down, but as I looked around the table, I thought, "These people matter to me. I love these people!" Maybe it's because we aren't a large group, but any way I cut it, I like being with them. I suspect many of them like me, are introverts. After all, we spend a lot of time by ourselves, with our thoughts and words. But once a week, we gather to talk, to encourage each other, and to well, become...friends. Because even introverts need a friend.

God's Will and God's Heart

January 26, 2017

A long superhighway drive can be a good thing. I have to stay alert, but don't really have to concentrate much on the driving itself. The traffic between home and Buffalo and between Buffalo and Rochester isn't particularly taxing, so it is a good time to pray. Often when I'm home, if I'm not walking around, my prayer time can easily slide into my snooze time. That necessary attentiveness while driving is just what the doctor ordered for my prayers.

Usually during my bi-weekly drives to visit my mother, the radio is off and I just pray. Occasionally, I'll have the classical station on. Rarely, it's Christian radio. I don't like to be critical, but I can only take the music on Christian radio in small doses. Much of the preaching affects me the same way, but there are a few radio preachers who really dig into the Scriptures and make me think. Yesterday, one of them was preaching about Abraham and Sarah, and their misguided attempt to help God with his promise to give them a son. Sarah gave her husband her Egyptian servant Hagar, who conceived and bore Ishmael. It was a mistake that has reverberated through history, as the Arab peoples trace their lineage back to Abraham just as do the Jewish people, except they trace their heritage through Ishmael instead of Isaac.

The preacher's observation was that some of the most dangerous people in the world are well-meaning Christians who are trying to do God's will. Whenever we work for God instead of letting him work through us, we place ourselves in the same position as did Abraham and Sarah. It seemed reasonable, but it was a historical disaster. The preacher's comment on the whole matter was, "don't separate your obedience to God from your dependence on God." When we try to obey God without depending on God, we end up like the Pharisees: devout, well-intentioned dragons who stood in the way of the work God was doing through his Son.

I am grateful for yesterday's drive time that gave me the opportunity to prayerfully listen to some good Bible teaching, and for the time today to reflect upon it and seek not just God's will, but also his heart.

In the Face of Fear

January 25, 2017

It has been said that the most frequent command in the Bible is "fear not." And for good reason. There is much in life of which to be afraid. Unfortunately, for many of us who live in relatively safe surroundings, this command gets watered down to minor fears that center around our personal comfort and well being, or that of our loved ones. Many of us invest a great deal of time and energy into making sure we have nothing to fear. We have doctors and medical facilities for our health fears, insurance to assuage the fear of loss, retirement accounts for our old age. We go to extraordinary lengths to make sure our children are safe at all times, often to the point that we've legislated out of their lives anything that could be remotely exciting, producing bored and apathetic adolescents and adults who specialize in risk-avoidance.

I like safety and security. I don't thrive on thrill-seeking for the sake of thrill-seeking itself. I was raised to live conservatively, to avoid risk. Most people who know me wouldn't believe that I've spent the greater part of my adult life facing fear. Every Sunday I would note the numbers; attendance, offerings, who was or wasn't present. If the numbers were going the wrong way, fear began to nibble at my heels. Early on in our time at Park church, we decided we wanted to become a single-point church instead of having to share pastoral ministry with another congregation. The financial implications of doing this were enormous for the size congregation we were at the time. We were afraid. Some years later, we decided to start a second service, and knew that some wouldn't be happy with that decision and would leave. And when we decided to build a new facility, we left the ease and safety of knowing we could handle the finances of a small building, but not so sure of managing the maintenance costs of a building three times the size of that meeting house.

Then there was 2004, when everything seemed to come apart at the seams. We weren't sure Park church could survive. I wasn't sure I could survive. I was afraid; not for me, but for the congregation. God watched over us in love and mercy, and here we are, a healthy congregation, poised to take on new ministry. Looking at it, fear is not an unreasonable emotion.

It occurs to me however, that if there weren't things to be afraid of, there would be no need for this recurring command. If we live our lives in safety and security, why would God have to tell us to not be afraid? There are very real dangers in life. We can avoid them in fear, or we can embrace them in faith. The presence of fear means we are living where God wants us. It is only in that place of fear that his command to fear not makes any sense. And it is only there that faith can come alive.

I don't like living in the place of fear, but I fear living in the place of safety, because when I am there, I am not in the place where God is, and where he can hide me in the shadow of his wings. Tonight, I choose faith in the face of fear, so that I may embrace and be embraced by Christ himself.