Minor Marriage Misunderstandings

February 8, 2016

My wife recently sent me a Facebook post that said, "A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." I'm sitting here thinking about that in light of a minor irritation that we just went through together - one of those "grrr" moments. Years ago when we were still feeling our way through this thing called marriage, still jostling for position and trying to figure out what it means to love someone, moments like this would have lasted for hours, sometimes even days. Back then, we didn't know that we didn't always need to be right. We like most young couples, wondered what it meant when the other was angry; was the marriage on the rocks? Did her being upset with me mean she had given up on me? Even small bumps in the road can be catastrophic to a new driver, and we were pretty inexperienced.

I can't say when things changed. I do remember the morning thirty years ago when we had been angry with each other before heading to work. As I drove down the road, God spoke to me. I didn't hear voices, but the thought that suddenly popped into my head was certainly not my own. This is as near a quote as I can remember: "Jim, which is more important; you being right, or your relationship being right?" Now, no one gets into an argument believing that they are wrong. Of course, I was right! But at that moment, I was also wrong. I got to the office and was just reaching for the phone to call and apologize when it rang. It was Linda, beating me to the punch.
Nowadays, most of the things that used to cause us to rise up in anger just don't mean that much anymore. I don't know whether it's maturity or simply that we don't have the energy to fight, or that we are realizing as short our time together in this life is, we don't want to waste any of it on stuff just doesn't matter to us anymore. We never could tolerate much tension, so it was never really bad except for some of the dumb things I've done over the years.

So I'm sitting here writing, and in the process, letting go of all that unimportant stuff that would impede our loving each other. It really is better that way, and I am thankful for a wife who even when she doesn't see eye to eye with me, is willing to walk hand in hand with me. And it doesn't hurt that neither of us can remember for long whatever we might have been upset about. Growing older has its perks!

To The Fourth Generation

February 7, 2016

It's a privilege most pastors don't get to see. This morning our worship was led by our youth. Let me state that more precisely. We have three youth bands. The youngest kids are in elementary school, then there's the middle school kids' band, and finally our high schoolers. The youngest two bands took the stage today to lead worship. This was not the usual "cute kids" songs that parents and grandparents love to see, but which aren't particularly worshipful. Even the youngest of the kids led in prayer and in the reading of Scripture, as well as in singing and playing. Between two of the songs, pastor Joe invited people to come to the altar to pray. I left my seat and knelt down in gratitude for what I was seeing. Two Scriptures came to mind; the first being St. Paul's advice to his protege Timothy: "the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (2 Timothy 2:2). Paul took Timothy under his wing, and told him to make sure the Message didn't die out with him, but instead, Timothy was to pass it along to faithful men in such a way that they would be able to teach still another generation. Paul to Timothy to faithful men to others. That's four generations.

Here's the detail that too many of us forget: Paul didn't think he had faithfully carried out his commission until it reached at least three generations beyond himself. Too often we are satisfied once we've successfully instructed the next generation. But it's not enough just to share the faith with the next generation. We need to groom new leaders who will produce still other leaders; otherwise the Gospel is in danger of dying out. I've often said that the proof of my ministry isn't in those who've come to Christ through whatever influence I might have had; its validity is determined by whether or not those I've influenced are influencing others. But that's still only three generations. I'm waiting for these kids to grow up so I can see the influence they will have.

The other Scripture that came to mind was Psalm 103:17 - "The mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness to children's children." We tried to be faithful in teaching the next generation not only the Gospel, but to teach others the Gospel. God has been merciful to allow me to see the Message being planted in my children's children. I haven't yet seen that fourth generation, but I'm already praying for them. As I knelt at the altar this morning, it was with humble gratitude to being witness to Scripture being fulfilled before my very eyes.

Tiny, Tender Heart

February 5, 2016

It's amazing how a seemingly innocuous event today can trigger memories of incidents long forgotten. The long-ago memory is a single image burned into my mind of a toad, of all things. I was perhaps seven or eight when I saw this particular toad. It was big and fat, and badly hurt. A neighborhood friend had deliberately dropped a large rock on it, bursting it wide open, its bloody entrails spread out over the sidewalk as it still struggled to breathe and move. I couldn't stand to see it suffer, so I took the rock and finished it off, then went tearfully home. I failed then and now to see what pleasure anyone could derive from deliberately inflicting suffering upon another, and yet this sad world has forever been witness to such evil.

This memory flashed into my consciousness this morning as I rescued an English sparrow that had flown into the window near our bird feeders. I saw it half-sitting, half-laying on the ground as I was replenishing the supply, picked it up and brought it inside for little Gemma to see. I called her to me, showed her this tiny bird warming up in my hand, and gave it to her to hold. We found an old box, lined it with a hand towel liberated from the bathroom, and gently laid the sparrow to rest. Gemma decided that it must be cold, so took a tissue and made a little bird blanket. Every few minutes she checked to see how it was doing, not noticing when its little breast stopped moving, thinking it was just sleeping.

It has been said that a good early predictor of sociopathy is how children treat animals. I don't know what ever happened to my childhood friend, but I am grateful tonight for a little four-year old girl whose tender heart led her to do what she could to ease the suffering of a little sparrow. Even at this early age she is being taught kindness and empathy, virtues that will stand her in good stead throughout her life. Linda tried to explain to her that the sparrow had died and gone to heaven where Jesus is, and where it could fly again. Gemma wanted to know if she would be able to see it tomorrow when she came to visit. Some things are beyond four-year old imagination, but she will see other English sparrows, which is about as close as we'll be able to come to resurrection for now. It's OK. Her faith and understanding will grow as she grows, and the compassion she now feels will mature to bless others who will cross her path, and it will be enough to gladden this old heart as it walks into that night that awakens to a greater dawn.

Successful Succession

February 3, 2016

First thing this morning, I met with pastor Joe. We've been asked to lead a seminar on how to have a good pastoral transition in ministry. We sat and talked for an hour and a half about what has made our transition work. While there are a number of factors, at the top of the list would be character. That Joe is a character few would dispute, but that's not what I'm talking about here. He is a young man who knows who he is in Christ, is not afraid to lead out of that self-identity, yet does it all the while honoring the ministry I had and seeing it as the foundation for what God has called him to do. His sole agenda is seeing people come to Christ and discipling them to spiritual maturity.

Joe and I are very different. He is extrovert extraordinaire, while I am content being all by myself. He maintains a schedule that would put me under in about two days, but freely admits that it is hard for him to sit still long enough to write his sermons. We respect each other, and I have no doubt that he is God's man for the hour. He's beginning to cast his own shadow, which is different than mine, but instead of trying to take the congregation in an entirely different direction, is standing on my shoulders and seeing farther than I was able to do. There are times that it feels odd to not be at the helm, and to be out of the informational loop, but retiring was the right decision. I am very blessed to have the privilege of serving under his leadership, and am deeply grateful that he is my pastor.

Tonight I go to sleep knowing that he has a full plate tomorrow, with a couple funerals in the wings, Sunday for which to prepare, and a schedule of meetings with people that would wear me out. So I pray for him; for wisdom as he comforts those who are grieving, for discernment as he orders his days, for insight as he prepares his sermons, for rest and refreshment with his family, and for God's protection over him in all he does. He's on the front line, and is a target for spiritual attack, so I join others who keep lifting him in prayer to the Father who loves and guides his children, and who holds his leaders in the palm of his hand.

Groundhog Day

February 2, 2016

Wouldn't it be nice if all the politicians saw their shadow today and went back to sleep for another six weeks? That would make me very thankful!

Ordinary No More

February 1, 2016

Last week I got a sneak preview of Sunday's sermon. Pastor Joe had to be away for his seminary studies and had asked our youth director Matt Slaven to cover for him. Matt asked for my feedback on the sermon he had prepared. I've had nearly a week to reflect on what everyone else only heard yesterday. Matt had many good things to say, but it was his introductory remarks that captured my attention:

"Thirty-three weeks. Thirty-three weeks of the year the church spends in what is known as ordinary time. The basis for calling the time ordinary, actually refers back  to the defining quality of God as the Divine Orderer of creation.  It means that the time is ordered rather than chaotic. By identifying periods of the year through a calendar, the Church has been an instrument in God’s reaching out to bring order and system into the chaos of our world. So, Ordinary Time does not mean a “ho-hum time,” but is rather a time to reflect on how God intervenes in the world and brings his divine presence into the chaos of our life."

This is not how most of us understand the word "ordinary." It is not how I had thought of it: God bringing order into the chaos of our life. Matt went on to recite the Scripture for the day; the "love chapter" of 1 Corinthians 13. Suddenly, it all fell into place. It is the love of Christ that brings order into my life. Just as God spoke order to Creation, so Jesus Christ, the living Word of God orders the chaos of my life, and instructs me in the discipline of love which prevents me from descending back into chaos. Tonight I am grateful for Matt's sermon and the insight he gave me through it. He redefined "ordinary" for me. Ordinary will never be as ordinary as it used to be.

January  31, 2016

It's every pastor's dream. Ministry that springs up and grows without any direct pastoral input doesn't happen very often. In most churches I've known, it doesn't happen at all. If the pastor isn't creating or pushing it, it doesn't happen. I've been there, with ideas for great programs that ran only as long as I did. It took me awhile to figure out that if I invested in people instead of programs, I would get a much higher rate of return. I learned that if I found what grabbed people's hearts, encouraged and supported them in their endeavors, they would come up with their own ideas and would carry things much farther than I ever could.

I wrote awhile ago about SOTA, the School Of The Arts that had its genesis in college student in our congregation who took a kid under his wings and started teaching him guitar. Our ministry director got wind of it, and they began working together. It's grown to the point where we are teaching more than twenty kids. This isn't just teaching kids to play an instrument; they are teaching them to lead worship. To see my kid's generation leading their next generation, and to see these even younger kids stepping up to the plate and leading their peers in worship is deeply satisfying. To see this and know that I had nothing to do with it other than thirty years of laying a foundation gives me cause for great thanksgiving.